Jokes Laughs from around the Interwebz.

• A rather confident man walks into a pub and sits next to a very pretty lady. He gives her a look, then casually looks at his watch for a second. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
  
  "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
  
  The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
  
  "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
  
  "What's it telling you now?"
  
  "Well, it says you're not wearing any underwear."
  
  The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
  
  The man explains, "Damn thing must be one hour fast."
  
  
  
• Two young lads were walking to school one day. The 2nd lad notices the 1st lad is wearing a new watch.
  
  "How did you get that ?" the 2nd lad inquired.
  
  "My dad dad gave it to me when I caught him and my mum having sex the other night." the 1st lad replied.
  
  "WOW I must try that ..." thought the 2nd lad. Later that night, the 2nd lad heard his parent having sex and he saw his chance. He bursts into their bedroom.
  
  "What do you want ??" said his now angry dad.
  
  "I want a watch" the 2nd lad replied, hopefully.
  
  "Well stand in the corner and keep quite !" replied his dad !
  
  
  
• A British diplomat was relaxing in his embassy in New York when he got a phone call from a radio DJ who wanted to know that if he could have anything in the world, what would it be ?. The British diplomat was worried that it might come across as some kind of bribe or entrapment, so he asked for something small like slippers or aftershave.
  
  A few days later he was relaxing again on turned on the radio, and to his horror heard: "WDX radio asked three top ambassadors that if they could have anything in the world, what would it be ? the French ambassador wished for peace and goodwill to all men, the Chinese ambassador wanted an end to hunger and disease and the British ambassador wanted some slippers and aftershave."